For our fist date, Matt and I dined on the patio of an Italian restaurant where an older couple was playing acoustic music. One song in their repertoire was the Beatles’ “I’ve Just Seen A Face.” About 16 months later, we walked out of the church to that song after our wedding ceremony. Now, ten years later, the faces that fascinate us are those of our children.
Giving an opinion on who a child looks like is a sort of Rorschach ink blot test. What we see often reveals as much about our expectations and feelings as it does about that child’s actual appearance. We see more or less of one side of the family’s traits depending on our mood and relationship. We look for similarity or difference in siblings. We portion the kids out between the parents: “one looks just like mom, the other just like dad,” usually a daughter with her mother and a son with his father. We look for ourselves in our own children or close relatives, and we look for traces of those we have lost. Even apart from all of these tendencies in the eyes of the beholders, appearance is complex-- a combination of expression, age, hair, different facial features, and the relative prominence of all of the above.
With Lily, there has always seemed to be consensus that she looks like me. Sometimes, people will remark on a bit of Matt in her, but generally, I hear “She looks just like you!” from family, friends, and strangers.
Corin, however, is a different beast. Even before he was born, there was a tendency in the family, especially my mom, to imagine him like Matt. Mom said that Corin’s 3D ultrasound looked so much like Matt that she suggested Matthew as his middle name, which we agreed to. When he was born, though, I did not immediately see much of Matt, and I saw nothing of me. I am not familiar with what Matt looked like as an infant, of course, but I remember holding Corin in the hospital and thinking, “Hello, son! Where did you come from?” He looked so different from Lily, from me, from what I know of Matt...
Since then, we’ve heard a wide variety of comparisons. Corin looks just like:
* Matt
* My Dad
* My Brother
* Matt’s brother Mark
* Lily
* Me
My mother-in-law insisted that Corin did not take much after Matt and often used to say: “Corin looks like Corin.” Matt picked the kids up from preschool a few weeks ago, and one mom later told me, “Was that your husband on the playground? Your son looks like him.” Another mom said on a different day, “Was that your husband on the playground? I assumed he was by how he was with the kids, but they both look so much like you. I didn’t see anything of him.”
On our trip to Boise, though, we had a revelation when Lois showed us a set of old, framed photos. Corin looks just like his great grandfather, James Edward Boulware.
It was amazing to hold those photos, partly because they are so old, taken in 1917, but more because of how striking the resemblance is. It is the sort of resemblance you read about in medieval or eighteenth-century fiction, where foundlings or long-lost loves ones are identified because they bear the image of their ancestors. Had we been able to predict how much Corin would favor his great grandfather, perhaps we would have named him Corin James or Corin Edward.
Seeing the photos gave me a tingle of pride to have carried on a family line so truly, but it was also a bit strange, since it almost seems that Corin came right down that line without taking anything from me. I’m not bothered by that at all, but it is still an odd feeling. I never got to meet Matt’s grandfather; he died when Matt was a child. It is a curious thing to look at a picture of a man you never met and see your son’s face.
Giving an opinion on who a child looks like is a sort of Rorschach ink blot test. What we see often reveals as much about our expectations and feelings as it does about that child’s actual appearance. We see more or less of one side of the family’s traits depending on our mood and relationship. We look for similarity or difference in siblings. We portion the kids out between the parents: “one looks just like mom, the other just like dad,” usually a daughter with her mother and a son with his father. We look for ourselves in our own children or close relatives, and we look for traces of those we have lost. Even apart from all of these tendencies in the eyes of the beholders, appearance is complex-- a combination of expression, age, hair, different facial features, and the relative prominence of all of the above.
With Lily, there has always seemed to be consensus that she looks like me. Sometimes, people will remark on a bit of Matt in her, but generally, I hear “She looks just like you!” from family, friends, and strangers.
 |
| Here we are in January. |
 |
| Here we are about the same age. |
Since then, we’ve heard a wide variety of comparisons. Corin looks just like:
* Matt
* My Dad
* My Brother
* Matt’s brother Mark
* Lily
* Me
 |
| Here we all are in the last few months. |
 |
| Here we all are about the same age. |
 |
| Clockwise from upper left: Matt, my brother Mike, Corin, Matt's brother Mark |
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| Corin and my dad last December; Corin, Matt, and Matt's dad in July. |
My mother-in-law insisted that Corin did not take much after Matt and often used to say: “Corin looks like Corin.” Matt picked the kids up from preschool a few weeks ago, and one mom later told me, “Was that your husband on the playground? Your son looks like him.” Another mom said on a different day, “Was that your husband on the playground? I assumed he was by how he was with the kids, but they both look so much like you. I didn’t see anything of him.”
On our trip to Boise, though, we had a revelation when Lois showed us a set of old, framed photos. Corin looks just like his great grandfather, James Edward Boulware.
It was amazing to hold those photos, partly because they are so old, taken in 1917, but more because of how striking the resemblance is. It is the sort of resemblance you read about in medieval or eighteenth-century fiction, where foundlings or long-lost loves ones are identified because they bear the image of their ancestors. Had we been able to predict how much Corin would favor his great grandfather, perhaps we would have named him Corin James or Corin Edward.
Seeing the photos gave me a tingle of pride to have carried on a family line so truly, but it was also a bit strange, since it almost seems that Corin came right down that line without taking anything from me. I’m not bothered by that at all, but it is still an odd feeling. I never got to meet Matt’s grandfather; he died when Matt was a child. It is a curious thing to look at a picture of a man you never met and see your son’s face.
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